


I might get lost without you

by shuhuas



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Moving On, One-Sided Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Post-Break Up, Post-Game(s), Regret, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:08:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25687081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shuhuas/pseuds/shuhuas
Summary: Hinata shouyo is living the life he always dreamed of as a child, but he doesnt have the boy he dreamed of living it with as a teen. sometimes wins can overcome losses no matter how bitter, why couldnt that be the case for right now?
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu, Hoshiumi Kourai/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 6
Kudos: 82





	I might get lost without you

**Author's Note:**

> i was getting so depressed with the atsuhina and miserable kageyama aus so i decided to try and give kags a break and make him the happy one for once.  
> sadly my writing is absolute ass but its the thought that counts, right?

**They broke up.** Or, hinata _guesses_ they did.

Granted, neither of them said it directly, but the subtle jokes of finding a hot guy in the gym and wanting to makeout with them surely weren’t something that would occur if they were together, and that was fine, it didnt hurt either of them and they still talked like they usually did, so it was okay by him. No heart break, no unnecessary sweet parting words or explanations needed. 

So when hinata started to feel for atsumu like he used to for kageyama, he didnt think much of it, he allowed himself to slowly delve himself into the old feeling of warmth he hadnt realized he missed so dearly. By the time it came to telling kageyama he felt like his heart was in his throat because he definitely postponed this conversation way too much, a couple of months too much.

But kageyama simply nodded to what he said, he listened to him wholeheartedly, letting him speak as much as he knew hinata needed to, and then wished him well in his relationship.

When they ~~_(hinata)_~~ had finished speaking, kageyama simply walked out of the room after bidding his farewells, texting hinata when he got home and once again congratulated him on his newly formed relationship. Things were going smoothly, he and atsumu were smitten and happy, he still spoke with kageyama from time to time and they were okay.

Sure, things changed but for the most part it felt good. Hinatas life was great. He had a great boyfriend and he was an official member on an amazing team with people hes admired since high school, he felt like he finally belonged after years of wandering around after his karasuno years ended and that was _more than he could ever wish for_.

But then came the adlers match. At first hinata was ecstatic, finally it was his time to get on the same stage and surpass kageyama, his volleyball rival, ~~his once lover~~ , his best friend. That was all he could think of up until the day of, when they had their mini reunion backstage near the bathrooms however, he wished he never manifested this match.

Because hinata was not dumb, he could see it. He could see the glimmer in kageyamas eyes, the new air that surrounded the dark blue haired boy, and above all, the faint reminiscence of a love mark on the base of his neck. ' _Where you used to kiss him'_ , said a voice in the back of hinatas head. His mind immediately began racing with questions a million miles per second, all whilst he shockingly managed to keep retorting comebacks, his exterior conversation somehow disconnected from his internal struggle.

**‘who is it.’ 'how long?’ 'was it a one night stand or a lover?’ _'why didn’t you tell me?’_**

And just like that, he was snapped out of all of his panicked thoughts when his boyfriend, because he does have one, came to his side and slung an arm around his shoulder, poking and prodding at kageyama in a teasing and snarky manner hinata was oh so used to.

“you startin’ problems with my boyfriend?” _boyfriend_. Right. Hinata loved to be called his boyfriend, or at least he did until right now. When atsumu said it hinata wanted to make him take it back, it felt so wrong being called that in front of kageyama, it felt like he was somehow _betraying_ him. He didnt even listen to what kageyama replied to and only decided to join back in present time when a familiar loud and proud boy he once knew waltzed in and spoke his name with an excited tone.

Kageyama immediately turned around, his eyes crinkling as a close mouthed smile graced his face, one hand reaching out of his jacket pockets to glide against the white haired boys back as he passed in front of him to face hinata, his touch ever so lingering and- Oh. Its _him_ , isnt it? No, it cant be. Right? Theres no way kageyama would be in a relationship right now, not after their break-up no matter how long its been, not during one of his most important years in the vb league, not when he was supposed to leave japan and go out to Italy for who knows how long.

But kageyama was always full of surprises, even more so when he reached down to grab hoshiumis hand almost instinctively, the latter holding his hand as if it was a recurring thing he was now used to and was able to move on based off memory and his body moved on its own. He could hardly hear whatever hoshiumi spoke of until kageyama joked around, his voice breaking the deafening silence hinata found himself lost in, bringing him back in to the real world like it had so many times prior to this moment.

“Umi, didn’t you already check that on the mbsy site earlier?” Ah. Nickname basis, something hinata and kageyama never touched because they never felt the need to, something hinata hadn’t experienced, something he never knew he wanted until this very second. They never were ones to need pet names or shortcuts, they'd always just addressed each other by their mlast names, first names whenever they were intimate. He saw hoshiumi glare up at kageyama with a smile threatening to plaster his face, a pout holding it back as best as it could.

A pout kageyama seemed to be used to in a different context as he leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to those lips and then pulled away to look at sakusa and ushijima who were having a reunion of their own, while having a faint blush left on his cheeks.

In that moment hinata felt as if he could get sick, feelings he wasnt aware he still had budding their heads up all at once, deciding to make their presence known at the worst time possible for him and swallowing him whole as if they had been waiting for this moment. Then atsumu - oh, his boyfriend, was pulling him closer, wrapping an arm around his waist as he yelled at bokuto for ‘interrupting and crowding the hallway’, apparently trying his hardest to get his words in like he was earlier.

Kageyama had his signature grin on his face as he rested his chin on hoshiumi's head, his arms wrapped securely on his waist, hoshiumi's hands sitting on top of his, his thumb rubbing softly against the back of kageyama's hand. A position he and kageyama had found themselves in many times, a position even he and atsumu entangled themselves in during practice breaks.

It wasnt anything special or sacred, it was something many couples did but for whatever reason, it felt so wrong seeing the two huddled together, it made his throat feel tight and his eyes burn.

Hinata wanted to disappear. **Why** was he feeling this. He was happy with atsumu, he moved on, and they were good together. Their relationship was good, the communication was good, their compatibility was good, and even the sex was good. He had absolutely no complaints while being with him, never once wished to end things between them, so why does he now find himself feeling so sick to his stomach at his touch. The feeling of his breath against his cheek made him want to jump out of his skin, but nothing affected him as much as the sight before him.

The large back stage area suddenly felt as if it was closing in on him, like it was boxing only he, kageyama and hoshiumi together, forcing him to watch the scene before him play out.

Thankfully the situation was interrupted as they were told that it was time for introductions and warmups, everyone bid each other a see you later and hinata watched as hoshiumi and kageyama walked away, hands still linked together, both of them currently absorbed in a conversation with ushijima, but even despite that he saw how kageyamas gaze would find its way to hoshiumi despite him not speaking. 'He’s in love with him’ was all that hinata could think of, his once boyfriend had finally moved on.

  
He has no right to be upset, hes the one who moved on first, hes the one who initiated the breakup, he has no reason to feel betrayed. he knows this, he really does, but he cant stop the pang in his chest, he cant stop the way his lip quivered, and he cant stop feeling heartbroken.

The way kageyama looked at hoshiumi was so obviously coated with love and adoration, within just that small interaction hinata saw exactly how much the white haired boy meant to him. the realization of that made a voice inside him speak up. ~~_'he probably loves him more than he loved you.’_~~ Yeah, he was going to be sick. His first love loving someone more than he loved him was something he never imagined, he never saw kageyama being with someone else as selfish and disgusting as it sounded.

He was so sure he was going to be the only person in kageyamas lifetime to make him feel something so special, and no matter how awful that sounded, hinata relied on that. But now everything is different.

And It seems as if hoshiumi easily surpassed the mark hinata had made and even went to newer places deep within kageyamas heart hinata wouldve never guessed were there. He wasn’t special anymore, he wasnt the only one to be in his heart and see his true self, and that filled him with so many different emotions he couldnt even pinpoint which one was more prominent, all of them equal in their current rampant quest to rip hinatas heart apart. This was going to be one hell of a match, and the only thing hinata was sure of in that moment was he definitely wasnt prepared to handle it.

**They won.**

The black jackals **won** , and for a fleeting moment it felt like hinata was at the top of the world with kageyama right there with him, they argued over their wins and losses stats and went to meet with their fellow ex - first years, it was fun. He felt like how he did when they were first together, like nothing would ever take him off his high throne, no feeling even coming close to how he felt for kageyama.

But then hoshiumi waltzed up to kageyama mid conversation and tugged on his shirt, which immediately took kageyamas attention from insulting tsukishima, he turned with a quickness and ease that came from them repeating this action several times, the fact that they were in front of people not making a hitch in any of their motions.

Kageyama gave a close mouthed smile and leaned down, hand finding its perch on the dip of hoshiumis lower back, the laters hands hooking around kageyamas neck, tugging him down even quicker to connect their lips, hinata now clearly seeing the flushing color reaching kageyamas ears and the smile hoshiumi gave into the kiss.

And just like that, hinata was dragged back to his reality, it wasnt the same, it wasnt like back then no matter how reminiscent this felt to him. This was the present, where kageyama was undoubtedly in love with hoshiumi, and he couldnt ignore it no matter how hard he tried to press it to the back of his mind and focus on their win, his eyes couldnt leave the two happy lovers, smiling from ear to ear as if they hadnt lost a game, too focused on their overwhelming love to mourn the loss.

Hinata had won by the standards of others, but seeing them so happy together gave him a feeling even worse than one of loss.

Because it took kageyama moving on for him to realize he had never fallen out of love with him, but he had pushed kageyama to fall out first by entangling himself with Atsumu. He was selfish, so desperate for physical affection he would try to find love in anyone he could, eventually choosing atsumu after seeing how he doted on him and obviously felt some sort of attraction to him.

It was only now that it hit him that the only one he wanted was Tobio. But he couldnt find it in himself to voice that. He was a coward, too afraid to be on his own so he threw himself into a new relationship when all he wanted was to be loved by kageyama again.

But that wouldnt happen.

~~_Not anymore. Not ever again._ ~~

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyy!!! I’m so sorry this is so bad and poorly written, feel free to yell at me on twt/my cc, my user is @kagyemas!


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